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[it's probably after midnight when gansey goes and knocks lightly on ronan's door. he's been avoiding him. he's been avoiding all of them, burying himself in his notebooks, in his maps, in his own mind.
he's thought a lot since he turned and walked up the stairs, leaving adam and ronan to argue over what should have been done, to share more secrets that gansey hasn't given anyone a chance to tell him, even if they would. he's turned the whole thing over and over in his mind, worn the sharp edges off the thing, made sea-glass from a jagged bottle shard. as with the edges, the anger is worn away, or at least he's too weary of being angry to keep holding onto it. the sharp stab of betrayal has softened into a bruise, the sort that only hurts when it's poked at. he's come to see ronan first, because he still isn't entirely sure what to say to adam. it's easier to forgive ronan for not telling a secret that wasn't his, because that's just ronan. bludgeoningly truthful except by omission, with plenty of the latter. he feels like an empty vessel, peacefully full of omissions.
gansey holds all of this carefully in his mind as he stands at the door, waiting to see if ronan will answer.]
he's thought a lot since he turned and walked up the stairs, leaving adam and ronan to argue over what should have been done, to share more secrets that gansey hasn't given anyone a chance to tell him, even if they would. he's turned the whole thing over and over in his mind, worn the sharp edges off the thing, made sea-glass from a jagged bottle shard. as with the edges, the anger is worn away, or at least he's too weary of being angry to keep holding onto it. the sharp stab of betrayal has softened into a bruise, the sort that only hurts when it's poked at. he's come to see ronan first, because he still isn't entirely sure what to say to adam. it's easier to forgive ronan for not telling a secret that wasn't his, because that's just ronan. bludgeoningly truthful except by omission, with plenty of the latter. he feels like an empty vessel, peacefully full of omissions.
gansey holds all of this carefully in his mind as he stands at the door, waiting to see if ronan will answer.]
[Truth be told, Ronan is expecting Adam when he opens the door. Gansey hasn't really spoken to them in a few days, and as familiar as Ronan is with the tides of Gansey's anger, this feels different somehow, final. Not the end of a friendship, but the beginning of a crack in it, something that could easily fragment into something far worse.
But he doesn't try to fix it. Why would he? There's really nothing else that he can say that wasn't already said. They have a fundamentally different way of looking at the issue, and Ronan isn't about to back down and let Adam take the brunt of Gansey's silence, not when he finally knows what's really going on here.
Still. Gansey is at the door.
He doesn't look particularly surprised to see him when he opens it, though it is a surprise. Ronan merely tilts his head a little and opens the door open another few inches, before leaning against the frame.]
What is it?
But he doesn't try to fix it. Why would he? There's really nothing else that he can say that wasn't already said. They have a fundamentally different way of looking at the issue, and Ronan isn't about to back down and let Adam take the brunt of Gansey's silence, not when he finally knows what's really going on here.
Still. Gansey is at the door.
He doesn't look particularly surprised to see him when he opens it, though it is a surprise. Ronan merely tilts his head a little and opens the door open another few inches, before leaning against the frame.]
What is it?
[ronan doesn't look surprised to see him, but gansey might have been more surprised if he did. at least he can hope that it means that ronan figured he'd come around eventually, because that's what gansey does. he gets mad, and while he's surely capable of holding a grudge into the next ice age, that doesn't apply to his friends. and they are his friends, aren't they? they were just trying to do what was best, even if gansey fundamentally disagrees.]
Can I come in?
[his voice is soft, he's in pajamas, his feet are bare. if he had his glasses, he'd be the spitting image of the gansey ronan spent so many of the small hours with. this one looks more tired, has lost a little weight that's made him go slightly sharper in his squared edges.]
Can I come in?
[his voice is soft, he's in pajamas, his feet are bare. if he had his glasses, he'd be the spitting image of the gansey ronan spent so many of the small hours with. this one looks more tired, has lost a little weight that's made him go slightly sharper in his squared edges.]
[Ronan's look is measuring, and he stalls for a few moments too long with the door barely opened. He doesn't show much sign of compassion here, despite the fact that he knows that he was likely in the wrong.
Back when Adam started getting close to Gansey, being his friend, Ronan's jealousy was explosive, bitter- but it surfaced in other ways too. The way that he'd hold onto Gansey like a dog with a chew toy, trying to rip him away from Adam, the way he'd find him at night and ask what he'd been doing, who he'd been hanging out with. The way he'd purposely made Gansey feel guilty for daring to have another friend.
The acts like that are far behind him but the feeling of it isn't. And now, like this, caught between Adam and Gansey, Ronan feels a surprising surge of empathy for Gansey's patience back then. He couldn't have done it. He doesn't think he can do it now.]
Is this an apology or a second round of 'shit that Ronan should have done'?
[There's no bite to his tone, despite the words themselves being nasty. Ronan doesn't open the door any wider than that quite yet- he's still frustrated at the situation and separating his feelings out into not actually pissed at Gansey and not really blaming Noah and not entirely angry with Adam is a feat that Ronan Lynch has yet to be capable of.]
Back when Adam started getting close to Gansey, being his friend, Ronan's jealousy was explosive, bitter- but it surfaced in other ways too. The way that he'd hold onto Gansey like a dog with a chew toy, trying to rip him away from Adam, the way he'd find him at night and ask what he'd been doing, who he'd been hanging out with. The way he'd purposely made Gansey feel guilty for daring to have another friend.
The acts like that are far behind him but the feeling of it isn't. And now, like this, caught between Adam and Gansey, Ronan feels a surprising surge of empathy for Gansey's patience back then. He couldn't have done it. He doesn't think he can do it now.]
Is this an apology or a second round of 'shit that Ronan should have done'?
[There's no bite to his tone, despite the words themselves being nasty. Ronan doesn't open the door any wider than that quite yet- he's still frustrated at the situation and separating his feelings out into not actually pissed at Gansey and not really blaming Noah and not entirely angry with Adam is a feat that Ronan Lynch has yet to be capable of.]
[ronan hesitates until it makes gansey start to feel a creeping nervousness prickling down his spine. most of the time, he can recognize the kind of mad ronan is, can read in his posture at least a bit of where he is on the lynch scale of emotion. he can't tell a thing right now, and that makes him nervous. in the comfortable darkness of his room, it had seemed all right that ronan might choose adam now, that it might even be better that way. now, with ronan staring at him, measuring, perhaps finding him lacking, gansey realizes that it's not. it's not at all.]
It's certainly not the latter. It's already been said, there's no point in reiterating.
[there's only gentleness in his tone, regardless of the bitter words.]
It's certainly not the latter. It's already been said, there's no point in reiterating.
[there's only gentleness in his tone, regardless of the bitter words.]
[He lifts an eyebrow at that, but doesn't comment. Instead, Ronan exhales through his nose, folding his arms across his chest and lowering his eyes to the carpet.]
You talk to Parrish yet?
[Blunt, as is the usual Ronan Lynch way. If this is any form of apology, then it isn't really owed to him.]
You talk to Parrish yet?
[Blunt, as is the usual Ronan Lynch way. If this is any form of apology, then it isn't really owed to him.]
[Outside of Ronan's door are four t-shirts, neatly folded, because apparently Ronan won't find clothes for himself and Adam doesn't have any more to spare. Three are black, one is gray - Adam definitely considered leaving the bright orange one he found, but somehow he doubts it would be appreciated. He took some time finding these, they're all the right size and made of soft fabric, and none are too dangerously uncool or Gansey-esque. It's not like Ronan's sense of style is difficult to understand, after all.
It's difficult to find gifts for someone who can dream themselves whatever they want, but at least these will probably be useful. Resting atop the shirts is a small packet of nuts - for Chainsaw, but hey, if Ronan wants them he can have them - and a sprig of pine, because what else is Adam supposed to do with the gifts Cabeswater gives him sometimes? At least it makes everything smell nice. Anyway, it's not like he can give Ronan flowers.
There's no note.]
It's difficult to find gifts for someone who can dream themselves whatever they want, but at least these will probably be useful. Resting atop the shirts is a small packet of nuts - for Chainsaw, but hey, if Ronan wants them he can have them - and a sprig of pine, because what else is Adam supposed to do with the gifts Cabeswater gives him sometimes? At least it makes everything smell nice. Anyway, it's not like he can give Ronan flowers.
There's no note.]
[gansey, for all his ability at grand gestures, is not that great at gifts, where his friends are concerned. it's so difficult to walk the line of want and need, and ronan can dream everything he wants and needs.
except he doesn't, so gansey's gifts are practical. socks, underwear (really, gansey, who gives their best friends underwear??? especially in those colors, but beggars and choosers), a pair of jeans he knows ronan won't object to. there's a small pouch of shiny trinkets for chainsaw as well as some dried fruits, which could be for either of them, really. there's no note, but who else does he know that's ridiculous enough to give him brightly patterned socks?]
except he doesn't, so gansey's gifts are practical. socks, underwear (really, gansey, who gives their best friends underwear??? especially in those colors, but beggars and choosers), a pair of jeans he knows ronan won't object to. there's a small pouch of shiny trinkets for chainsaw as well as some dried fruits, which could be for either of them, really. there's no note, but who else does he know that's ridiculous enough to give him brightly patterned socks?]
I'm sure I had a reason when I knocked, but maybe it's just habit. If it's some entirely stupid hour of the might, it's clearly time to visit Ronan.
[or it's clearly time for hedging, but he's going to take this opportunity to slip through the door regardless, and then stand there looking slightly awkward because he's not sure if they're good enough that he's allowed to sit on the bed or not.]
[or it's clearly time for hedging, but he's going to take this opportunity to slip through the door regardless, and then stand there looking slightly awkward because he's not sure if they're good enough that he's allowed to sit on the bed or not.]
[Ronan gives a vague one-shouldered shrug at the question, leaning his back against the now-closed door.]
Not when you came in.
[There's a pause before Ronan makes a move to flop over on his bed, where he'd obviously been before Gansey had knocked on his door, bored and restless. At least this is better than nothing.]
Wasps or your beloved friends kicking the bucket? [It's crass and blunt, but what else does Gansey expect?]
Not when you came in.
[There's a pause before Ronan makes a move to flop over on his bed, where he'd obviously been before Gansey had knocked on his door, bored and restless. At least this is better than nothing.]
Wasps or your beloved friends kicking the bucket? [It's crass and blunt, but what else does Gansey expect?]
That much I had figured out.
[he gives ronan a little fond eyeroll. when ronan flops on the bed gansey takes up some free space at the end, fitting his legs over and across ronan's.]
What if it was both, huh? [a small pause.] Crass, Ronan. It wasn't, though. Just the bucket kicking part.
[he shrugs, not elaborating. they all probably have them, at this point. instead, he leans back against the wall and exhales, his shoulders relaxing as though there's some ronan-esque property that inspires such an odd reaction to someone generally wound tight as a watch spring.]
[he gives ronan a little fond eyeroll. when ronan flops on the bed gansey takes up some free space at the end, fitting his legs over and across ronan's.]
What if it was both, huh? [a small pause.] Crass, Ronan. It wasn't, though. Just the bucket kicking part.
[he shrugs, not elaborating. they all probably have them, at this point. instead, he leans back against the wall and exhales, his shoulders relaxing as though there's some ronan-esque property that inspires such an odd reaction to someone generally wound tight as a watch spring.]
Little bit belated, but I wanted you to know I found her before it was too late. So...thanks for the help with my hands.
If you want a drink and a smoke, I'm hanging around Fear's shrine.
If you want a drink and a smoke, I'm hanging around Fear's shrine.
Sure.
[To one or both of those statements- it's not really that easy to tell.
He'll be there, though- he's got nothing better to do and part of him feels like he owes Peter for helping him dig for so long. Ronan doesn't like feeling like he owes people, so it's best to just give Peter some company and get it over with.]
[To one or both of those statements- it's not really that easy to tell.
He'll be there, though- he's got nothing better to do and part of him feels like he owes Peter for helping him dig for so long. Ronan doesn't like feeling like he owes people, so it's best to just give Peter some company and get it over with.]
[funny, peter feels like he owes ronan too. but it's nothing some vodka and a cigarette can't fix, and he has both of those, sitting slouched on the steps outside the shrine. there's a vague plume of smoke over his head from where it hasn't quite dissipated yet.]
Hey.
[he clinks the bottle on the step beside him, where ronan could sit, and then offers it out.]
Hey.
[he clinks the bottle on the step beside him, where ronan could sit, and then offers it out.]
[Ronan doesn't smoke but he doesn't really care much about the habit in general- it doesn't bother him like it might someone else. He watches Peter with a critical eye for a moment before making his way toward the other man, his hands shoved in his pockets.]
Hey.
[Peter is unassuming, which is probably for the best. Part of Ronan- the part that went to private school with the likes of Kavinsky, whose former teacher was a murderer, whose current teacher is a murderer- that part of him is still waiting for the other shoe to drop. But Peter hasn't seemed to be that kind of person, and Ronan still isn't sure what to make of it.]
What's the occasion?
Hey.
[Peter is unassuming, which is probably for the best. Part of Ronan- the part that went to private school with the likes of Kavinsky, whose former teacher was a murderer, whose current teacher is a murderer- that part of him is still waiting for the other shoe to drop. But Peter hasn't seemed to be that kind of person, and Ronan still isn't sure what to make of it.]
What's the occasion?
The occasion is that I am in possession of a bottle of vodka and just got a refill on my smokes, you seem like a guy who does one, the other, or both pretty well, and I figure I owe you one for helping me dig. Or me helping you dig. Whatever. Your friend Adam's a pretty okay guy too, and you got him out.
[peter is more or less the most unassuming that a guy who doesn't comb his hair and wears a bunch of layers of clothes and genuinely patched jeans can be. he more or less exudes a slightly wary sort of harmlessness beneath his sense of affability.]
[peter is more or less the most unassuming that a guy who doesn't comb his hair and wears a bunch of layers of clothes and genuinely patched jeans can be. he more or less exudes a slightly wary sort of harmlessness beneath his sense of affability.]
Ronan?
[He checks, quietly.]
When you have a minute-
[He checks, quietly.]
When you have a minute-
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