[it's probably after midnight when gansey goes and knocks lightly on ronan's door. he's been avoiding him. he's been avoiding all of them, burying himself in his notebooks, in his maps, in his own mind.
he's thought a lot since he turned and walked up the stairs, leaving adam and ronan to argue over what should have been done, to share more secrets that gansey hasn't given anyone a chance to tell him, even if they would. he's turned the whole thing over and over in his mind, worn the sharp edges off the thing, made sea-glass from a jagged bottle shard. as with the edges, the anger is worn away, or at least he's too weary of being angry to keep holding onto it. the sharp stab of betrayal has softened into a bruise, the sort that only hurts when it's poked at. he's come to see ronan first, because he still isn't entirely sure what to say to adam. it's easier to forgive ronan for not telling a secret that wasn't his, because that's just ronan. bludgeoningly truthful except by omission, with plenty of the latter. he feels like an empty vessel, peacefully full of omissions.
gansey holds all of this carefully in his mind as he stands at the door, waiting to see if ronan will answer.]
[Truth be told, Ronan is expecting Adam when he opens the door. Gansey hasn't really spoken to them in a few days, and as familiar as Ronan is with the tides of Gansey's anger, this feels different somehow, final. Not the end of a friendship, but the beginning of a crack in it, something that could easily fragment into something far worse.
But he doesn't try to fix it. Why would he? There's really nothing else that he can say that wasn't already said. They have a fundamentally different way of looking at the issue, and Ronan isn't about to back down and let Adam take the brunt of Gansey's silence, not when he finally knows what's really going on here.
Still. Gansey is at the door.
He doesn't look particularly surprised to see him when he opens it, though it is a surprise. Ronan merely tilts his head a little and opens the door open another few inches, before leaning against the frame.]
[ronan doesn't look surprised to see him, but gansey might have been more surprised if he did. at least he can hope that it means that ronan figured he'd come around eventually, because that's what gansey does. he gets mad, and while he's surely capable of holding a grudge into the next ice age, that doesn't apply to his friends. and they are his friends, aren't they? they were just trying to do what was best, even if gansey fundamentally disagrees.]
Can I come in?
[his voice is soft, he's in pajamas, his feet are bare. if he had his glasses, he'd be the spitting image of the gansey ronan spent so many of the small hours with. this one looks more tired, has lost a little weight that's made him go slightly sharper in his squared edges.]
[Ronan's look is measuring, and he stalls for a few moments too long with the door barely opened. He doesn't show much sign of compassion here, despite the fact that he knows that he was likely in the wrong.
Back when Adam started getting close to Gansey, being his friend, Ronan's jealousy was explosive, bitter- but it surfaced in other ways too. The way that he'd hold onto Gansey like a dog with a chew toy, trying to rip him away from Adam, the way he'd find him at night and ask what he'd been doing, who he'd been hanging out with. The way he'd purposely made Gansey feel guilty for daring to have another friend.
The acts like that are far behind him but the feeling of it isn't. And now, like this, caught between Adam and Gansey, Ronan feels a surprising surge of empathy for Gansey's patience back then. He couldn't have done it. He doesn't think he can do it now.]
Is this an apology or a second round of 'shit that Ronan should have done'?
[There's no bite to his tone, despite the words themselves being nasty. Ronan doesn't open the door any wider than that quite yet- he's still frustrated at the situation and separating his feelings out into not actually pissed at Gansey and not really blaming Noah and not entirely angry with Adam is a feat that Ronan Lynch has yet to be capable of.]
[ronan hesitates until it makes gansey start to feel a creeping nervousness prickling down his spine. most of the time, he can recognize the kind of mad ronan is, can read in his posture at least a bit of where he is on the lynch scale of emotion. he can't tell a thing right now, and that makes him nervous. in the comfortable darkness of his room, it had seemed all right that ronan might choose adam now, that it might even be better that way. now, with ronan staring at him, measuring, perhaps finding him lacking, gansey realizes that it's not. it's not at all.]
It's certainly not the latter. It's already been said, there's no point in reiterating.
[there's only gentleness in his tone, regardless of the bitter words.]
[He lifts an eyebrow at that, but doesn't comment. Instead, Ronan exhales through his nose, folding his arms across his chest and lowering his eyes to the carpet.]
You talk to Parrish yet?
[Blunt, as is the usual Ronan Lynch way. If this is any form of apology, then it isn't really owed to him.]
[he can't help it, gansey smiles. he also snorts, but he smiles.]
I can't just tell him that, somehow it'll end up sounding patronizing and stupid. Anyway, I didn't come to you to ask for relationship advice about Parrish.
I'm sure I had a reason when I knocked, but maybe it's just habit. If it's some entirely stupid hour of the might, it's clearly time to visit Ronan.
[or it's clearly time for hedging, but he's going to take this opportunity to slip through the door regardless, and then stand there looking slightly awkward because he's not sure if they're good enough that he's allowed to sit on the bed or not.]
[That actually makes him smile a little, just a barely-there savage draw to the corner of his mouth, but he nods, ducking his head a little as he eases the door closed.]
[Ronan gives a vague one-shouldered shrug at the question, leaning his back against the now-closed door.]
Not when you came in.
[There's a pause before Ronan makes a move to flop over on his bed, where he'd obviously been before Gansey had knocked on his door, bored and restless. At least this is better than nothing.]
Wasps or your beloved friends kicking the bucket? [It's crass and blunt, but what else does Gansey expect?]
[he gives ronan a little fond eyeroll. when ronan flops on the bed gansey takes up some free space at the end, fitting his legs over and across ronan's.]
What if it was both, huh? [a small pause.] Crass, Ronan. It wasn't, though. Just the bucket kicking part.
[he shrugs, not elaborating. they all probably have them, at this point. instead, he leans back against the wall and exhales, his shoulders relaxing as though there's some ronan-esque property that inspires such an odd reaction to someone generally wound tight as a watch spring.]
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two days after noah tells gansey a secret.
he's thought a lot since he turned and walked up the stairs, leaving adam and ronan to argue over what should have been done, to share more secrets that gansey hasn't given anyone a chance to tell him, even if they would. he's turned the whole thing over and over in his mind, worn the sharp edges off the thing, made sea-glass from a jagged bottle shard. as with the edges, the anger is worn away, or at least he's too weary of being angry to keep holding onto it. the sharp stab of betrayal has softened into a bruise, the sort that only hurts when it's poked at. he's come to see ronan first, because he still isn't entirely sure what to say to adam. it's easier to forgive ronan for not telling a secret that wasn't his, because that's just ronan. bludgeoningly truthful except by omission, with plenty of the latter. he feels like an empty vessel, peacefully full of omissions.
gansey holds all of this carefully in his mind as he stands at the door, waiting to see if ronan will answer.]
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But he doesn't try to fix it. Why would he? There's really nothing else that he can say that wasn't already said. They have a fundamentally different way of looking at the issue, and Ronan isn't about to back down and let Adam take the brunt of Gansey's silence, not when he finally knows what's really going on here.
Still. Gansey is at the door.
He doesn't look particularly surprised to see him when he opens it, though it is a surprise. Ronan merely tilts his head a little and opens the door open another few inches, before leaning against the frame.]
What is it?
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Can I come in?
[his voice is soft, he's in pajamas, his feet are bare. if he had his glasses, he'd be the spitting image of the gansey ronan spent so many of the small hours with. this one looks more tired, has lost a little weight that's made him go slightly sharper in his squared edges.]
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Back when Adam started getting close to Gansey, being his friend, Ronan's jealousy was explosive, bitter- but it surfaced in other ways too. The way that he'd hold onto Gansey like a dog with a chew toy, trying to rip him away from Adam, the way he'd find him at night and ask what he'd been doing, who he'd been hanging out with. The way he'd purposely made Gansey feel guilty for daring to have another friend.
The acts like that are far behind him but the feeling of it isn't. And now, like this, caught between Adam and Gansey, Ronan feels a surprising surge of empathy for Gansey's patience back then. He couldn't have done it. He doesn't think he can do it now.]
Is this an apology or a second round of 'shit that Ronan should have done'?
[There's no bite to his tone, despite the words themselves being nasty. Ronan doesn't open the door any wider than that quite yet- he's still frustrated at the situation and separating his feelings out into not actually pissed at Gansey and not really blaming Noah and not entirely angry with Adam is a feat that Ronan Lynch has yet to be capable of.]
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It's certainly not the latter. It's already been said, there's no point in reiterating.
[there's only gentleness in his tone, regardless of the bitter words.]
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You talk to Parrish yet?
[Blunt, as is the usual Ronan Lynch way. If this is any form of apology, then it isn't really owed to him.]
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I don't know what to say to Parrish yet. It's more complicated.
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You tell him that you trust him, dumbass.
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I can't just tell him that, somehow it'll end up sounding patronizing and stupid. Anyway, I didn't come to you to ask for relationship advice about Parrish.
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What did you come here for then?
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[or it's clearly time for hedging, but he's going to take this opportunity to slip through the door regardless, and then stand there looking slightly awkward because he's not sure if they're good enough that he's allowed to sit on the bed or not.]
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Couldn't sleep?
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[he sounds almost cheerful about it, because hell, can he ever sleep? ]
Hellacious nightmares. And I thought you might not hate the company.
[translation: he wanted the company.]
Have you been sleeping?
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Not when you came in.
[There's a pause before Ronan makes a move to flop over on his bed, where he'd obviously been before Gansey had knocked on his door, bored and restless. At least this is better than nothing.]
Wasps or your beloved friends kicking the bucket? [It's crass and blunt, but what else does Gansey expect?]
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[he gives ronan a little fond eyeroll. when ronan flops on the bed gansey takes up some free space at the end, fitting his legs over and across ronan's.]
What if it was both, huh? [a small pause.] Crass, Ronan. It wasn't, though. Just the bucket kicking part.
[he shrugs, not elaborating. they all probably have them, at this point. instead, he leans back against the wall and exhales, his shoulders relaxing as though there's some ronan-esque property that inspires such an odd reaction to someone generally wound tight as a watch spring.]